Having been in few wedding parties and observed many, here’s a few tips on how to survive being a part of one. Trust me I’ve learnt a thing or two in my time, and hopefully my lessons keeps you in good stead with your A-team, during and after the wedding day.

TIPS HOW TO SURVIVE BEING IN A WEDDING PARTY

• Be prepared to get involved, whether that be helping with invites, hot gluing craft decorations or checking underneath your friends eyes to ensure they’re smudge free.
• There will be lots of shopping, like LOTS of shopping involved, and yes outfits you try on won’t always be flattering, and you might have to give an opinion on invitation paper.
• Party planning. You are responsible not only for the planning of pre wedding celebrations (think hens, bucks, bridal showers etc) but ensuring everyone has a darn tooting good time – especially the person getting married.
• Upgrade your listening skills. It doesn’t matter if the content is serious like family stress, or insignificant like if they’re bitching about a lipstick a bridesmaid chose or how dare one of their guests be a vegan. No matter the content, you listen.
• Listening is awesome but calm communication is vital. If you want to keep this person in your life, acknowledge that they might be under a lot of stress, be supportive, understanding but also voice your concerns calmly before they get out of control.
• You have the option to say no. It may be super awkward, but if you don’t think being a member of the wedding party is a good idea, it’s better to speak out early then let things go bad.
• It’s not about you.

Now let me flip it, here’s some tips I learned from actually getting married.

TIPS FOR PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED

• You get stressed about the most insignificant things, acknowledge it, don’t give it power try to put things in perspective. An uneven candlestick will mean nothing to you post wedding.
• Be super clear about what you’ll be expecting from your wedding party and acknowledge their life circumstances. For instance, if you are asking people to be a part of your wedding party and then you ask them to fork out a tonne of money for the privilege, that’s not cool. But if you do decide to do that, don’t spring it on them once you’ve chosen an $800 bridesmaid dress and then ask them to fix you up at their earliest convenience. Yuck! Will you want them to plan a party for you, do you need them to stay the night before at accommodation, discuss what will be involved up front so they have the choice what they can commit to.
• Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do. It’s harsh but it’s true, your wedding is at the forefront of your mind not everyone else’s, keep that in mind during conversations with friends and family.
• Acknowledge, praise and thank your wedding party. They have given you their time, their energy, love and most often money too. Acknowledging their hard work goes a long way post wedding and how they feel about you.
• Realise you don’t have to have a bridal party.
• Calm communication is vital on this side as well, don’t lose your head over things that don’t matter.
  
  
  I’ve seen long life friends never speak to each other again because of a style of shoe. I’ve seen verbal disrespect thrown at wedding party members from couples. I’ve seen arguing, tears and wedding party members either be no shows or leave the wedding asap to avoid further conflict.
  
  But then I’ve also seen the amount of joy, love and support a couple and their wedding parties share. I’ve also been a part of it. Those feelings are strong, beautiful and enduring.
  
  So whether you’re in a wedding party or have chosen one, to ensure your relationships survive post wedding – be clear, be kind and be loving.