Transferring a Ceremony - A Practical and Ethical Guide
It happens, or will happen to every celebrant at some point. Through illness or life event, you can’t deliver a ceremony on the day of the wedding.
However, as a professional and empathetic person, you will ensure that your couple do indeed get married and the new celebrant can confidently step in.
How….? We hear you ask….! Follow our Easy and Practical Guide to transferring a Ceremony to another celebrant.
Obviously, no Celebrant ever wants to be in a position where they are unable to deliver a ceremony, but if the Covid Pandemic taught us anything… it’s that we have to have a plan for when the unexpected happens.
In her article, How to Transfer a Notice of Intended Marriage, NSW Local Leader and Marriage Act Guru, Alison, has outlined how to transfer a ceremony to ensure that the couple, and both celebrants are protected legally.
In this article, we’re going to cover the greyer areas… the ‘making it nice’ if you will areas.
Find a suitable celebrant to transfer your ceremony to.
One of the biggest benefits to being a member of The Celebrant Society, is that you have access to many fabulous celebrants, including those in your area.
When you realise, or mostly likely, painfully accept, that you won’t be able to deliver your ceremony, a message in the TCS Members Facebook Forum, will almost instantly gather comments of support and offers of help.
Now, in this instance, suitable will, first of all mean, available!
If you have multiple celebrants offering to help, then location of ceremony and where willing celebrants are located will become a factor.
You don’t have to have an existing relationship with the celebrant that you are transferring the ceremony to, but you may decide that you and your couple will be more comfortable with someone that you do know well.
How to write a post asking for help…?
Hey TCS family, I’m devastated but my voice has not recovered and I won’t be able to marry Rory and Logan on Saturday.
Thier ceremony is written and I have both of their vows ready to go. Fair warning, Rory’s vows are quite long, but both her and Logan know this.
Ceremony is at Stars Hollow Town Hall at 3pm with guests arriving at 2.30pm
My celebrant fee that Rory and Logan have paid is $1779. Based on myself, the original celebrant retaining 2/3 of the fee to reflect the work done so far, I would pay you $593.00 to cover for me.*
You would need to print the ceremony and vows (or upload them to your device), arrive early to meet with the couple separately before the ceremony.
Deliver the ceremony and complete the paperwork.
Please let me know ASAP if you are available and keen to help out this lovely couple.
I can confirm that that the food will be amazing and Mother of the Bride will be entertaining!
*This is not a RULE. Or even a TCS Guideline, but is a policy that many celebrants have calculated and utilised over the past few years.
Clear and prompt communication - Transferring a Ceremony
Circumstances where you need to transfer a ceremony to another celebrant are often happening at moments of
high stress, illness, bereavement or challenging circumstances.
Despite this, you need to be as clear and concise in your communication to fellow celebrants as you can be!
Initial posts like the one above needs to give a fellow celebrant ALL the info they need to decide if they can be of assistance and take over your ceremony for you. Money can be an awkward topic!
Be clear from the very beginning of how much and when you will pay the celebrant who is taking over your ceremony.
Remembering, that yes, we all want to support each other, but there are costs involved when you cover for another celebrant. The printing and travel costs, plus the time, effort and time away from family.
With all the info, they can make a decision and then proceed to offering to help with confidence.
Transfer the NOIM and ceremony and help the new celebrant prepare
Once you and the new celebrant have agreed that they will take over your ceremony, begin corresponding with them by text and email, or if possible (although, often NOT possible) by phone. As per Alison’s post, you will transfer the NOIM through Births, Deaths and Marriages to ensure that the couple are legally married.
Now, in some cases, say with Abbey to Dee for Bec and Jacinta’s Wedding… that may happen in-between contractions at 3am on a Saturday morning…!
Once the paperwork is transferred, you can send the new celebrant your ceremony, the couple’s vows and any readings or other inclusions that may be happening. Depending on how detailed your pre-ceremony notes are, you may also share with the new celebrant the notes you took when you met with the couple.
The types of things that the new celebrant may need to know include :
Wedding Party details, music for wedding party entrances, and reserving seats for family members walking down the aisle with couple.
As well as :
Is this an unplugged ceremony?
Are we doing a Petal Toss after the ceremony?
Do either of the couple have any health issues or concerns that the new celebrant need to know abouut.
Reassure your couple! Everything is going to be fine! Better than fine, it's going to be great!
As soon as it is practical and the least alarming for your couple (Ie, NOT 3 am on the morning of their Wedding!) you need to let your couple know about the situation and reassure them that everything will still go to plan.
Your couple will have booked YOU for specific reasons and you will have built trust and rapport with them in the planning stages of their ceremony. They will be relying on you to get them legally married, be a calming influence and to be engaging with their guests.
Even the most laid back of couples will likely panic when they hear that their celebrant is currently giving birth / has no voice/ is isolating because of Covid or whose partner is in the ICU!
However, by having a solution ready to go and by delivering the news with calmness and empathy, you will reassure your couple and everyone will enjoy the ceremony.
If you know in advance that you will be unable to deliver a couple’s ceremony, you may choose to assemble 3-4 celebrants that are available and let your couple choose. However, these scenarios are very rare.
Most times, you will be contacting your couple to say…. “I can’t deliver your ceremony today, but my fabulous colleague has everything they need and will be there at 2pm to marry you!”
So, you just agreed to take over a ceremony for tomorrow afternoon.... now what? Transferring a Ceremony
As the celebrant who has just agreed to take over a ceremony with very short notice.. there are a few things that you can do to reassure the couple and the original celebrant as well as ensure that you deliver the ceremony confidently.
Firstly, charge your PA!
Secondly, arrange any childcare, taxi-service or family commitments as soon as you can.
Once the NOIM has been transferred by the other celebrant through Births, Deaths and Marriages, let the original celebrant know that you have all the paperwork ready to go. Familiarise yourself with the couple, especially their names, and touch base with them to reassure them.
The Ceremony! Now, no two celebrants will ever write a couple’s ceremony the same way. They may have similar styles, they may cover the same highlights or anecdotes, but they will never write in the exact same way.
The challenge when taking over a ceremony where a 25-30 minute ceremony is conducted, is delivering that ceremony in a way that feels authentic to you. This is the best way to confidently and comfortably deliver a ceremony.
However… the couple have chosen their celebrant for their unique style. They may have even seen a draft of the ceremony and be looking forward to hearing that EXACT ceremony.
Time is also, likely to be against you.
For these reasons, we recommend that you make minimal changes to the original celebrant’s ceremony.
That being said, as you read and re-read it, if there is a section, or sentence that you repeatedly struggle with, consider rewriting, just that section, in your own words. Do this in a way that feels natural to you but doesn’t change the sentiment or tone of the ceremony.
You may have a way of including an Acknowledgement of Country or welcoming guests or paying tribute to the couple’s Wedding Party that you are very comfortable with. You might edit the original ceremony to include these. That way you are starting the ceremony on a familiar and comfortable footing.
The key to remember, for the couple, the original celebrant and your own time and energy, is that the couple have chosen a celebrant who has written a ceremony for that couple. You are there to deliver that ceremony and to ensure that the couple are legally married. You don’t need, nor should you, rewrite the entire ceremony in your own style.
I am here today on behalf of my Celebrant Society collegue.....
The Ceremony!
Now, no two celebrants will ever write a couple’s ceremony the same way. They may have similar styles, they may cover the same highlights or anecdotes, but they will never write in the exact same way.
The challenge when taking over a ceremony where a 25-30 minute ceremony is conducted, is delivering that ceremony in a way that feels authentic to you. This is the best way to confidently and comfortably deliver a ceremony.
However… the couple have chosen their celebrant for their unique style. They may have even seen a draft of the ceremony and be looking forward to hearing that EXACT ceremony. Time is also, likely to be against you.
For these reasons, we recommend that you make minimal changes to the original celebrant’s ceremony.
That being said, as you read and re-read it, if there is a section, or sentence that you repeatedly stumble over, consider rewriting, just that section, in your own words. Do this in a way that feels natural to you but doesn’t change the sentiment or tone of the ceremony.
You may have a way of including an Acknowledgement of Country or welcoming guests or paying tribute to the couple’s Wedding Party that you are very comfortable with. You might edit the original ceremony to include these. That way you are starting the ceremony on a familiar and comfortable footing.
The key to remember, for the couple, the original celebrant and your own time and energy, is that the couple have chosen a celebrant who has written a ceremony for that couple.
You are there to deliver that ceremony and to ensure that the couple are legally married. You don’t need, nor should you, rewrite the entire ceremony in your own style. It may feel natural on the day to reference the original celebrant in a positive way or, it may only add unnecessary stress to the couple. You’ll know what to do in that moment.
Sounds great in theory.... got an example for me?
Of course we do!
We could have picked any of the many, many ceremonies that were shuffled and swapped around during the Pandemic. Especially in Victoria…. !
Instead of recalling that time, let’s go to a happier time…. the day that Abbey’s daughter was born, right around the time that she was supposed to be delivering a ceremony, NOT a baby!
Thankfully, due to the rapport that she had built with them, Abbey’s couple Jacinta and Bec, took it in their stride that she was having a baby and a woman called Dee was coming along to marry them! “
“when I called at 6.30am to let them know that there had been a slight change of plans, there was a mix of laughter and tears from the Brides……… Dee absolutely smashed the ceremony with the brides saying to me that they couldn’t have asked for a better fit for their day. She even snuck in a celebratory glass of Prosecco with my sister.”
Bec and Jacinta’s Wedding was featured in Polka Dot Wedding
Photography : Good Moments Photography Location and Florals : Camp David Farm
Celebrants and TCS Members : Marry me Abbey AND Custom Celebrations By Dee
