Top 5 Ways to Combat Nerves as a Celebrant

1. KNOW THYSELF – how long does it take you get ready to leave the house? Not just ‘pop down to the shops’ ready… but Wedding Day ready. We may not have a team of hair and make up for each wedding as a celebrant, but we are likely taking a lot more time in getting ready than a usual day. 

What else do you have on that day? Taking the kids to sport on a Saturday morning? 

Have a meeting with another couple before the wedding? 

For me, it’s in the planning. I work backwards from the time I want to arrive at a wedding and create a plan for the day. 

A wedding day timeline if you will.  One that allows extra time for traffic and wardrobe mishaps. 

I used to think that on wedding days, that was ALL that I could do…. turns out that this was even more nerve inducing than doing other things in the morning. 

Now, I can happily go out for breakfast, meet another couple and then, as per my timeline, get Wedding ready!

It all comes down to knowing your routine, making a timeline and sticking to it.

2. ARRIVE AT THE WEDDING AT YOUR IDEAL TIME – the celebrant needs to arrive well before the ceremony is due to start (we know this!)

However, it’s important for YOU as a celebrant, your couple and other vendors that you have a clear arrival time. 

Knowing yourself and how you best prepare yourself for a ceremony, will help you determine what time you like to arrive. 

Some celebrants are more than happy arriving and setting up at the same time as the guests, still giving them plenty of time before both of the couple have arrived and things get underway. 

For me, I like to arrive BEFORE any guests do.  I set up my speaker and microphone, have a drink of water, pace the ceremony space, go to the bathroom and say hello to the venue’s team. 

THEN once guests have arrived, I am ready to greet them, ensure I have my ‘Married By Dee’ pens placed at a 45 degree angle* on my ceremony folder and read through my ceremony. Again. 

For some, that extra time is just too much time! You might like to read the ceremony in the car or calm yourself by scrolling on your phone, until the first few guests arrive AND then you are ready to go. 

The important thing is to what works best for YOU. And then do exactly that, every wedding. 

3. DOUBLE CHECK AND TRIPLE CHECK – understandably, much of our anxiety around performing our role as celebrants comes down to making sure that we have all the paperwork in order. 

The answer to this one, may seem simple, but double check and triple check!

I always print my paperwork the night before a wedding and then I handwrite the Commemorative Marriage Certificate in the morning.    If you are unsure about anything on the paperwork, reach out to us in your TCS Members Forum, a trusted colleague or mentor.  

It’s far better to fix or clarify things the week or day before the wedding than on the day, especially if you need to ask the couple a question. 

Check you have everything with you! When I started as a celebrant, I think I checked my celebrant bag at least 10 times between leaving home and arriving at the wedding. 

I’ve gotten a lot better now, but I still check and double check that I have EVERYTHING that I will need. 

• Printed ceremony and vows for the couple 
• Marriage Paperwork. I always have a spare Commemorative Certificate with me, just in case there is a mistake on the first one. Or it gets water spilled all over it pre-ceremony. (both of these have actually happened!)
• Pens! Whether you have custom designed pens (see photo!) a very fancy pen or you sign the applicable paperwork digitally, make sure you have pens that WORK on hand to sign the Marriage Certificates. 
• If your ceremony is in digital form, have a paper back up. 
• If your ceremony is in paper form, email it to yourself, just in case! 

4. PRACTICE MAKES (ALMOST) PERFECT, BUT ALSO LET GO OF ‘PERFECT’ – You’ve written a great ceremony for your couple. The only thing left to do is deliver it. 

And delivery, and knowing when to pause for effect or laughs, takes practice. 

Many celebrants record themselves and listen back to the ceremony to absorb it. 

For me, I read it aloud as many times as I can. Yes, sometimes to myself late at night…! 

And always, at a whisper, before the actual ceremony. 

That being said, you are a human, delivery a one-off human experience for other humans! 

Your ceremony likely won’t go ‘perfectly’! You may stumble on a word. It’s ok. 

Recover, correct yourself, and move on. 9/10 it’ll only be you that notices! 

5. YOU’VE GOT THIS – partly, because, my friend YOU HAVE TO! 

No one else can marry your couple** in this moment. 

No matter what else has happened that day to you or your family, for the next 25 (or so) minutes, you will delight your couple’s family and friends. 

You will legally and beautifully marry this couple. 

You will successfully register the marriage. 

You will, because you made a promise to the couple and to yourself. 

Now, that might not feel like solid advice to combat nerves, but when your brain tries to tell you that you CAN’T do something….sometimes, reminding yourself of your contract with the couple, and the undeniable fact that no one else can do it… is enough to get us out of the car. 

One fancy shoed foot in front of the other, shoulders back… you’ve got this! 

Now smile, breathe, talk slowly and go deliver a beautiful ceremony!

*Probably not an exact 45 degree angle…. but at least a matching angle

**Now, there are times when, medically, we can’t deliver a ceremony… but don’t tell a nervous YOU that fact!