Why Joey Tribiani might NOT be your best choice of celebrant
TV has lied to you!
Watch a wedding episode from any American sitcom and there is a decent chance that one of the characters will become ‘ordained online’ just in time to perform the ceremony. And now you’re planning your ceremony, the idea of a friend standing at the arbour with you sounds great! Who wouldn’t want Friends’ Joey Tribiani declaring you married?
But while the laws in certain US states may allow someone to get authorised to marry you instantly, that is not the case in Australia. Plus, delivering a thoughtfully crafted, well-organised ceremony on one of the most important days of your life is something that takes a lot of time, care and planning. It’s not a responsibility to be taken lightly.
If you have your heart set on your friend (let’s call them “Joey”) conducting your wedding ceremony, you’ll still need the help of a celebrant. Here’s what you need to know…
Only an authorised celebrant can perform legal marriage ceremonies in Australia
You need an authorised celebrant to get legally married in Australia. This could be a civil celebrant, a celebrant employed at the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, or a religious minister who is authorised to perform legal marriages.
The process of becoming a civil celebrant in Australia is a lot more involved than it is in American movies and sitcoms. It typically takes around 18 months and can cost thousands of dollars to become a celebrant. There’s no, “by the power invested in me by the internet…” here!
In most cases, you will need to meet with your registered celebrant at least one month before your ceremony to start the necessary paperwork required to get married in Australia. Your celebrant is the one who lodges your paperwork and registers your marriage with the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
But we still really want our friend to be our “celebrant” (even if they aren’t authorised) – what can we do instead?
Option 1. Do the legal part separately
You can get legally married before or after your ceremony with just yourselves, your celebrant and two witnesses. This can take place anywhere and on any date, so long as you have lodged your NOIM with your celebrant at least one month prior.
You’re legally married in about 5 minutes, no fancy clothes required!
Doing it this way frees your Joey up to perform a non-legal commitment ceremony for family and friends.
However, with this option, if the “big wedding” is taking place in Australia, everyone attending MUST be informed and understand that it’s not a legally binding ceremony – under section 101 of the Marriage Act, the penalty for not doing this could see Joey imprisoned for six months!
Option 2. Have an authorised celebrant “co-pilot” your wedding with your friend
A co-pilot wedding is when the registered celebrant works in tandem with your friend. They are at your ceremony, dressed to impress with their PA at the ready.
In addition to facilitating all the legal elements, the celebrant might take a larger role in your ceremony, including welcoming your guests and introducing Joey. This level of involvement will depend on what you and your Joey are comfortable with.
In this scenario, your celebrant will likely be at your wedding for a minimum of an hour, possibly longer (in addition to all the work that takes place before the wedding day).
An experienced celebrant will help manage the ceremony logistics
Every plane, even with a co-pilot, needs a captain. Just like every wedding ceremony needs a host.
We have no doubt that your Joey is a brilliant host and storyteller, but weddings are A LOT! Being a great celebrant isn’t just about talking into a microphone for 30 minutes – it’s about understanding all the other stuff that makes ceremony magic. For example, does your venue or Joey have a PA system, or will your celebrant be providing theirs?
Wedding guests need direction, cajoling to fill the seats (the floor is lava at every wedding ceremony), and encouragement to put their phones away and applaud you loudly. All of these unseen moments require just the right tone and experience to ensure that you and your guests know what is happening and are able to completely enjoy your ceremony and wedding.
Another unseen role of your celebrant is liaising with fellow vendors before and after the ceremony to ensure that your photographer gets the best shots, the ceremony runs to schedule and everyone knows where the bar is.
These are all skills that celebrants develop through ongoing professional development and experience.
Unless your Joey has worked at a lot of wedding ceremonies before, these may not be skills they currently possess. But luckily, your celebrant is the calm captain at the helm to make sure everything runs smoothly.
Will a co-pilot wedding ceremony save us money?
Short answer? Probably not.
Regardless of how the celebrant and co-pilot split the ceremony hosting duties, the celebrant is still investing their time and experience into your big day, so be prepared to pay their full rate, especially during peak times.
If you want a celebrant to be at your 3pm ceremony on a Saturday in March, it will mean turning down other potential couples who want their full service package.
Also, as celebrants, we pride ourselves on helping you create YOUR perfect ceremony. So we’re not going to leave your Joey mumbling about “having and receiving”! We will ensure that they have the tools to confidently deliver your love story in the best possible way. This may mean sharing our questionnaires and planning notes, attending planning meetings, and providing feedback on the ceremony script.
All of this relies on our time, our resources, and our experience. And as much as we LOVE weddings, love for the job alone doesn’t pay the bills!
Can an authorised celebrant replicate that “married by a friend” feeling?
Maybe you want a friend to “marry” you because the idea of a stranger telling your love story feels too impersonal. But does your Joey actually WANT the role as storyteller? Are they comfortable leading the whole ceremony? They may be a great MC or even performer, but the pressure of a wedding can bring out the nerves.
Rest assured, as members of The Celebrant Society with our cheeky flamingo logo, we are always striving to give our couples the best ceremony for THEM. Which looks different for every couple.
We engage with storytelling and writing courses to hone our craft. We are also open to collaboration!
You could ask your celebrant to talk to your friends or family members to get THEIR take on your love story. We get it, these are the people who love and know you the best, and your celebrant can help you find ways to include your special people and their thoughts to make a ceremony feel more YOU.
Recently, I reached out to one of my couple’s inner circle to ask them a series of questions about their friends, Bec and Naomi. I wove their beautiful answers into the ceremony and when the time came, the guests each read their own words aloud as they passed around my ceremony book. It was such a beautiful and collaborative moment – all of us were in tears!
Conclusion: your friend might not be able to legally marry you, but a celebrant can help with a co-pilot ceremony
In summary: yes, you need a registered celebrant to be legally married in Australia. That process is arduous, and it is unlikely to happen before your wedding date.
But you can work with a celebrant, utilising their skills, experience and equipment, to include your Joey in your ceremony. This will create a seamless and engaging ceremony that best reflects YOU and shows off the storytelling prowess of your chosen friend or family member.
Be fair and realistic in what you require from your celebrant with the knowledge that they will be providing support that far exceeds their role on your actual wedding day.
ASK the questions and give us ALL of the info!
When choosing a celebrant, tell us the vision. All of it. This enables us to explain how we can best create or co-create the perfect ceremony for you both.
And, have FUN! Trust us, your celebrant wants you to enjoy your ceremony as much as you do. Pick a great celebrant who gets excited about your love story and wedding.
Lead image photography by Georgia Verrells Photography
